Dr. Baum understands divorce is much more than a legal event; it is an emotional and physical transition for families moving from one stressful home into two calmer, loving, safe homes. Each person reacts and responds differently. One person may be more ready for this transition than their partner. Someone could be ambivalent, while the other is ready to go, “full speed ahead.” There can be a need for healing from Big T Traumas or little t traumas that occurred, leading to the divorce process. It can be difficult to, “take the high road” for your children’s sake, when you’re on an emotional roller coaster.
Too often a family’s transitional period is marked by each parent becoming increasingly “positional.” Each parent is sure they know what is “right.” They stop really listening. Discussions become painful arguments. Hurt, anger, betrayal, trauma, and disappointment can get in the way of two people communicating effectively. There are collaborative, respectful ways of communicating that can eliminate these problems; they are learnable. This learning process is easier when you are no longer “reacting” but able to respond in mindful, thoughtful, and cooperative ways. Dr. Baum can help you get there.
JOANNE HELPS PEOPLE/PARENTS:
- Get past strong emotional reactions stymying their efforts
- Move through their Grief Process
- Develop skills to listen carefully to each other, so they listen with the intent to learn from each other, and respond with empathy and positive options, rather than reacting with a heightened positional argument aimed at “winning”
- Begin to put your children’s needs first
- Build acceptance and respect for each other’s perspectives.
- Move forward creating solutions that meet everyone’s needs as a co-parenting team living in two homes.
- Develop compassion and/or acceptance for yourself and your ex-spouse
- Allow adult and younger children to not take sides and continue to love you both
WHEN CHILDREN SEE AND HEAR THEIR PARENTS TALKING CALMLY:
- They feel safe
- They know it’s going to be okay to love both parents openly
- They know they won’t be caught in the middle of parental battles
- They know, “I don’t have to choose sides”
- They begin to believe: Life is going to be okay
- They can relax and have some fun, they can focus in class, they can enjoy their whole family, and they don’t have to be scared or anxious….
WHEN THEY SEE AND HEAR THEIR PARENTS FIGHTING:
- They feel the opposite of what you just read in the list above
- It can negatively impact their cognitive, emotional, and social development for years
- It is harmful to your children – whether they be young, teens, or adults
Joanne Baum, PhD has developed an individualized, skill and trauma based model to facilitate your divorce process so family members can move forward with some grace and acceptance. Children get to be children, no longer feeling like a ping pong ball ricocheting back and forth in the middle of parental battles. Adult children can focus on their own lives instead of becoming embroiled in their parents lives. Parents can focus on enjoying their children as they grow up, launch from their homes, and bring grandchildren into their lives.
What Parents Say:
One father said, “I can’t believe all I learned and how different I am now. When I’m different my ex is different in her response. I didn’t know we could get here. We’ve been fighting for years and now we’re not.”
One mother said, “Thank you for the progress you helped us make…it’s nice to know someone like you is there if we need more help.”
One father said, “I just want to thank you for all you did to help us. We won’t have to go to court now.”
Not sure if you really want to go the divorce route but you know your marriage really needs to change so you can be a happier partner?
Dr. Baum has been successful in working with people who are not sure they are quite ready to divorce and would like to give their marriage a new set of possibilities of how to be in a marriage with their old partner in different, healthier, happier ways. The secrets often are: 1) looking at your own way of being (in the marriage) (simply put: look at your side of the street), 2) listening to your self and your partner with compassion, and 3) learning how to be in your marriage differently rather than pointing the finger at your partner. When both people are willing to, “look at their side of the street” and make some changes they often experience meaningful breakthroughs and are delighted as they learn to enjoy each other again.
Joanne Baum, PhD is available for:
- Marriage counseling or divorce counseling – what’s it going to be? Helping ambivalent people decide
- Divorce coaching – basic and complex family dynamics – how to navigate your way through the complex legal system and your own conflicting emotions
- Post Divorce Coaching – “I thought I was done with legal wrangling but now he/she is fighting me, here comes another round”
- Helping parents develop Parenting Plans that work for their family
- The basics and intricacies of Co-Parenting Skills – we didn’t communicate in 1 home and now it’s time to learn how from the safety of two homes
- How to tell the children – without traumatizing them
- Helping you communicate when, “We never could talk and now we have to because we’re in two houses and the kids go back and forth”
- Listening to find common ground and solutions versus listening to win or convince the other
- Talking to encourage sharing versus talking to prove a point and stay “positional”
- Transitioning from one home into two loving homes – AND you’re still “a family”
- Preventing children from falling between the cracks of two homes
- Our adult children can’t believe we want to divorce after all these years and they are pressuring me
- Post Divorce Counseling – who am I when the couple is no more?
- Post Divorce issues:
*Joanne has a PhD in Social Welfare and a Master’s Degree in Social Work. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), and a Level III Certified Addictions Specialist (CAS) through the state of Colorado, an LCSW in Indiana, and awaiting her LCSW in Florida. Joanne received her Mediator training in 2004, and became a Certified Brainspotting Therapist in 2013. Dr. Baum has been working as an LCSW since 1981.